If Biden Wins, Who Will Be President?

The media and pollsters keep telling us there is no chance President Trump will win re-election. It is helpful to remember these are the same people who said he wouldn’t run, couldn’t get the nomination, couldn’t win, and couldn’t govern. All of those predictions were wrong, of course, but the narrative today is that Biden has this locked up.

A few days ago, we looked at some of the wild cards/factors that may affect the course of the race. Among them was the key point that Biden will probably find a way not to debate. We still hang with that prediction. But let’s offer some additional curves we may be thrown:

- While the former VP leads the polls currently, even a modest understanding of his background shows vulnerabilities. Personally, Biden is likable enough, a gregarious sort who loves to joke and pat you on the back almost as much as he likes to sniff women’s hair and fondle little children in photo ops. But he’s said a ton of things that are impossible to defend and taken positions that are even less defensible.


- If Biden is somehow persuaded to step down, they may nominate someone like Governor Andrew “Send Grandma Here and I’ll Kill Her” Cuomo; Michelle Obama; or even the Hildebeast herself. Yet most of these alternatives don’t seem to want it (except for Hillary, who would throw Chelsea into a woodchipper for another shot at the White House).

- It is tough to think of an alternative to Biden who is clearly an improvement. One assumes that, in the dystopian landscape that is today’s Democratic Party, they would have picked someone more palatable if such a creature existed.

- It is hard to overstate the lack of enthusiasm for Biden. The main factor driving many of his supporters is that he isn’t Trump. If the best thing you can say about your candidate is that he isn’t someone else – an observation you could also accurately make about dragon vomit – you are coming from a very weak place. If you collected all of those who would walk through walls for Biden, you wouldn’t have enough for a decent poker game. Enthusiasm matters.

- A key reason Biden has the nomination locked-up is he was the “least sucky option” (pardon the fancy political terminology). You look at people like Warren (fake Indian; compulsive liar; millionaire hypocrite)… Harris (descended from slave owners; got her start in politics by sleeping with a powerful, married man; jailed drug users then bragged about her own use); or Beto (seems to have stuck his toe in the LSD pool a few too many times; tried to feed his wife dog feces; pretends to be Irish but is, in reality, as Irish as the Scotch Whisky in my cabinet). Winning among that field is like being the tallest midget, the cutest ugly girl, or the thinnest fat guy.

- Quick, name three significant accomplishments you can fairly attribute to Joe Biden. O K. Take your time. Anyone? Bueller? Call us when you think of something. By that time the election will be over, of course, but knock yourself out.

- Biden’s VP pick will be the most important choice any presidential candidate has ever made. Why? Duh… because Biden can’t make it through a long lunch, much less a full presidential term. Whoever is his VP, if he is elected, will be president. Biden will have to step down sometime after being inaugurated. He won’t even have time to unpack his collection of photos of young girls he’s inappropriately groped in public settings. Then, his VP will step up. Are you ready for Kamala Harris, or Liz Warren, or Susan Rice, or anyone of that ilk to be president? Neither are we.

- If Joe stumbles along and manages to put enough coherent sentences together to win, America will have elected a person who is not mentally able to perform the duties of the office. In this scenario, the aides make the decisions, Joe signs some stuff so it looks legitimate, and the staff runs the show. Joe would make the Wizard of Oz look like an engaged leader. Anonymous political types will prop him up, like something from Weekend at Bernie’s, and suck up all of the power and money behind the scenes. The scary question is, who? If Biden is elected, who will really be president? If you think the possibility of Biden being a figurehead president isn’t real, we urge you to quit smoking whatever that is you’re bogarting and reconsider.


Joe emerged as the least sucky choice. The Dems have all their cash on a steed who is very vulnerable and spectacularly flawed.

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